The following post is reprinted from What the Soul Wants For Christmas: Open Yourself to Fresh Celebrations of the Holidays… and Life. It is one of 52 weekly chapters from that book and is offered here by the author for the benefit of your well-being in the upcoming holiday season.
We can each master facing unfairness wisely and well! We do not control what happens to us, only how we respond. Some of us are going to be treated poorly this holiday, unavoidably. I don’t know if it will be me, or you, your sister-in-law, or someone else’s grandma, but it will happen- countless times. This may be a shocking, unexpected experience- or worse- it may be business as usual.
Someone is going to be left off the guest list, another will be treated badly when they arrive, still another is going to be spoken to rudely before the day is out. When our hopes for happy family times are especially high, it is very hard to meet any kind of discord or rejection with grace, but this is exactly what we must prepare ourselves to do, and help others do if the short straw falls to them.
This is one of the posts in the 12 Months of Christmas that has general life wisdom woven into it. Being prepared to be brave and gracious at every turn is a superior way to live life, and it is what I wish for each of us to consider this week. We’re seeking a more resilient mindset, which has at its core the challenge to not take anything personally. The following snippets will give us the opportunity to practice in advance the skills we’ll need when it is our turn to face unfairness. Each is voiced in first person, so we can practice saying these statements to ourselves now.
“No one owes me anything.” Giving up specific expectations allows us to meet the experiences of each day freely. We can trust we are exactly where we are supposed to be, even when it hurts to be there. Pain is our teacher. When we accept our seat in her school, we become a heart that is willing to learn whatever lesson we missed up to this point. Pain no longer has to be resisted; we can sit next to our pain and learn at last what it is here to teach us about ourselves and life. You may not get the privilege of being with the ones you love, but that doesn’t prevent you from finding someone who will benefit from your love.
“What other people think of me is none of my business.” While it is often necessary to sit at the feet of Pain and learn what must be learned, it is also true that we sometimes find ourselves in the presence of people who are unwell. Some people spew venom as easily as they breathe. Training ourselves to lovingly ignore the words coming out of their mouths is like wearing a helmet and bullet proof vest in a combat zone we cannot avoid. When this is practiced as a way of life, it does more than keep us from being riddled with pain. We end up liberated to simply be our unique self and can become oblivious to the opinions of others that would otherwise cause us to contort ourselves into an image they might prefer. This is an element in what is referred to as being self-actualized.
“I will forfeit my right to be offended.” If you have any desire to live the lifestyle that was described by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount, this is an essential step. You can’t ‘turn the other check’ if you are still insistent on defending yourself, your honor, your rights, and so on. You certainly won’t be in a mood to pray for those who despitefully use you, if you are still carrying the “this isn’t fair!” banner. Transcendent living has an admission fee, we must leave our sense of self at the door. The powerful examples of those we call holy, who have walked on this earth as mortals, have this as their anthem.
“Everything is either love or a call for love.” This statement is taken from The Course in Miracles. There is great power in rehearsing this statement in the tiny irritations of daily life in order to apply it in the heat of true battle. Separating every experience into these two categories lets us be prepared to respond in kind to loving actions, and to recognize anything that is unlovely as someone declaring their need for healing love. The first sort has us applying reciprocal love which is like gratitude. The latter has us applying grace and mercy as they are needed.
“There are no enemies.” Though there are many people auditioning for this role, as the director of our own lives, we do not have to cast that role. The thinking pattern that separates everyone into good guys and bad guys depending on how they treat us, severely limits us from doing the work of real love in this realm. Real love casts out all fear, and we no longer have to have inner circles, cliques, or teams of any kind. Every single person we meet, every single day of our lives, is someone in need of love. Now life becomes simple, all we need to do in any situation is offer brave love. Some may want to protest and say this will make us doormats for abusive people. Real love does sometimes ask us to give not only our coat, but our cloak also. But this does not mean your back becomes a road for others to walk upon. There are healthy limits. Saying no can be a form of love in the face of someone intent on taking in an unhealthy manner. But when we say that no, we will be doing it with love in our hearts.
“I release everyone to do what they feel is best for them; I don’t want anyone to be anywhere they don’t truly want to be.” Ahead of time, as a way of life, we can coach ourselves to be sincere and allow others to be sincere. Sometimes in the process we will be the one unchosen. This holiday on planet earth, there are countless people separated from their loved one by war, poverty, and other unavoidable dangers. On top of that, even more are going to be disconnected because of emotional and spiritual unwellness. Our idealized view of the holiday sets us up to be distracted from the rich opportunity a holy season offers- the chance to offer ourselves up to love without the need for that love to be reciprocated. If there is a reason for the season it is to meet Love freshly and follow the example of the grown man who was once a babe in a manger.
Activity for this Week: Select the bolded phrase above that ‘zinged’ you the most when you read it. Write it on a note card and place it where you will see it. Rehearse it to yourself while you’re walking the dog or walking from the car into the grocery store, or while you’re brushing your teeth. Insert it somewhere that lets it mesh with your daily routine. We want to get one or more of these inside ourselves, so it will arise automatically when it is most needed. Now practice your new saying amid the tiny irritations as they appear in your daily life. Practice makes perfect.
Blessings to each of you as this holiday season approaches. For more encouraging content read this.
