To be Emotionally Mature, Keep Climbing

Not everyone who grew older grew up, but you can. Being “grown up” is an accumulation of skills, habits, and character traits. Some people get there faster and more easily than others, but no worries, this isn’t a race. We do, however, progress more swiftly if we look to do our personal best as often as we can and are willing to learn more. People who are “grown up” are considered emotionally mature. Experts who have studied this accomplishment break it down into five skill segments:

1. Being able to identify your emotion.
2. Manage your emotions.
3. Motivate yourself (Motivation is practically defined as the ability to stop when you don’t want to stop, and start when you don’t want to start.)
4. Recognize the emotions of others.
5. Manage your relationships with others.

The starting point is to be able to recognize and name your emotions as they rise and fall within you. A whole host of souls cannot do this at all, and another large group can’t do it well.

Recently, I’ve worked with a small Meetup.com group, https://www.meetup.com/Well-Being-101/, to explore the range of basic emotions, which are far more varied than sad, glad, mad. We are working ourselves up from what I call the Basement Step emotions toward those positioned more highly, which are the domain of emotionally adept people, a.k.a. Grown Ups.

Recently we explored the emotion of shame, the only emotion with no redeeming qualities. We discussed how it is the emotional equivalent of a neurotoxin in that it paralyzes the recipient to the degree it penetrates. For this reason we should each avoid using shame in any encounter or succumb to anyone using it on us. We also looked more closely at the significantly higher emotional state of guilt and the opportunities it brings for us to recast ourselves and redirect our course while making amends for our conduct when we have missed the mark.

On December 3, 2020, we continue our journey up the emotional ladder in a free Zoom session on “Getting Past the Obstacles of Apathy, Grief, Fear, and Anger”. Anyone wanting to participate may RSVP at the Meetup.com site listed above.

Here are several questions you can answer in preparation for that evening session:

1. Which of those four emotions (Apathy, Grief, Fear, and Anger) are challenging for me?
2. What success have I already had in getting through some or all of these emotional states?
3. Which of these four character traits (Kind, Honest, Fair, or Brave) is hardest for me?
4. Which of these character traits are second nature?

Also, jot down a few ideas on your definition of courage and examples of when you have been most brave. Until then, friends, keep climbing!