“Always Do Your Best” is a deed-based agreement. The previous three agreements of The Four Agreements showed us how to:
- Take control over our words, voiced and thought
(Be Impeccable with Your Word) - Detangle ourselves from the words and actions of others that previously triggered us
(Don’t Take Anything Personally) - Ask for and provide clarification to reduce the drama that rises from assuming
(Make No Assumptions)
This final agreement has the power to distinguish us as outstanding human beings. But many won’t attempt this one because it sounds impossible. Do the words “always” or “best” in the title of this agreement feel overwhelming? Let’s start with “always”. In this sense, define it as “consistently”, as in “I consistently aim to do my best”. You’re human and we know that means there will most likely be slips.
Now let’s look at “best”.
It isn’t that you must be the best, only that you aim to do YOUR best. Not what an outstanding relative did, not what the triathlete did, not what the Nobel Peace Prize winner did… just you doing YOUR best in your tiny corner of this big, big world. As a human, perfection isn’t required, or even expected. Don’t fall into the trap of paralysis that perfectionism can trigger.
“In the dust of defeat as well as the laurels of victory
there is a glory to be found if one has done his best.
God made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.”
~Eric Lidell, Olympic gold medalist & missionary to China
While raising our kids we always kept a sign by the door the family used most that read, “Do the best you can, then move on.” That’s the motto to embrace. Aim high, aim well, attempt, reflect , move on; repeat.
This agreement is especially well-manifested by people who are no longer tied to proving their worth as the primary motivator of their deeds. These souls choose higher order actions because it feels good to excel and to be a blessing, not because it makes them look good. These are internally motivated people, which is to say, these are the most mature folks among us.
The greatest benefit of doing this agreement fully, besides the blessings you bring to others, is the character you build within yourself that will bolster you in hard times.
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are…
the true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.”
John Wooden
While at the helm of New Leaf School, I poured over many different manuals and series designed to teach character. They were often unwieldy, especially for the people who often needed them the most: people with the shortest attention spans. I tried all sorts of methods for talking about these attributes with students and their families, but finally hit the jackpot when I designed a “Character Square” tailored to four traits I had most often referenced. It was simple, visual, and memorable.
To decide on the worth of an action you could run it through a test: is this brave, kind, honest, AND fair? If something is all four you are on the right track for doing your best. Lacking one of these immediately lead your own mind into awareness of what is missing or weak in the choice.
In times of direct problem-solving, we’d pull out the little laminated square and ask ourselves which of the four traits was needed to solve the problem at hand. Kids, staff members, and parents would look at the square when reflecting on their choices to see in which category it had been weak or strong.
Let’s delve into these four words that can distinguish our character and help us to always do our best. In many ways the intent of these four words bleed into one another. I could make a case that you can’t be kind without fairness, or point out that bravery is needed to be honest many times, but try to see the way each word stands on its own as a leg of the table of your character.
I think HONEST is the bedrock word since self-assessment becomes worthless if you easily excuse yourself and don’t aim for accuracy. Honesty is also the foundation of every legitimate relationship. To the degree we withhold candor, we are weakening the bond we seemingly share. And outright deceit nullifies the bond until it is repaired with truth.
Next, I’d focus on FAIR. In one of the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder she recounted that when her ma would give her and her sister a cookie to share, one girl would cut it in halves and the other would get to choose her piece first. How brilliantly Ma Ingalls designed little life experiences to build an awareness of justice in her children. Can you imagine the progress we might make if our local governments sliced the budget pie and then allowed the downtrodden to choose their piece first? Or the changes we’d experience if parents divided out time and then let the children choose their chunk?
We tap into BRAVE to do most of honesty and fairness and it is also what fuels every bit of our emotional maturing. We should take stock more often of the acts of daily bravery we are accomplishing. Brave is sometimes camouflaged as persistence and determination. Bravery is required to stop when you don’t want to stop and start when you don’t want to start, another trait of emotionally mature people.
“Kindness is never wasted,” as wise Aesop said long ago, and there can never be too much. But this is so much more than acting nice. True kindness cares for the other parties involved at the same or higher standard than the one you apply for your own benefit. This encouraging gift heals the world around us while nourishing our own well-being.
These four traits, when authentically expressed in our lives, build us and everyone around us. The fine points listed below are offshoots of these four attributes.
Do you have evidence of these Fine Points of Always Doing Your Best in your life?
- Doing anonymous good deeds
- Exceeding the minimum standard or basic requirements
- Returning good for evil
- Seeking what is best for all, seeking actions that serve the highest purpose
You know this agreement has come alive in your life when it is expressed with daily consistency. People can count on you because you regularly aim high and well. You are making this your way of being, not an occasional stab at sainthood followed by ignoble lapses of simple self-interest.
If you’re not there yet, simply embrace this final agreement as a way of life and begin to do better! Bit by bit you’ll come to enjoy the benefits it brings with it, especially when no one is looking!
“Do all the good you can,
by all the means you can,
in all the ways you can,
in all the places you can,
at all the times you can,
to all the people you can,
as long as ever you can.”
– John Wesley
A discussion of this material was recently presented in the FREE weekly Well Being 101 Meetup Group, https://www.meetup.com/Well-Being-101/ via Zoom. You are welcome to join us any Tuesday at noon as we explore the basic tools of Being 101 in the coming weeks to build our well-being.
